Do you ever feel alone, abandoned, or broken? Do you ever wonder who cares about what is happening in your life or about what you are going through? Do you wonder if anyone knows how much you are hurting or how lonely you feel? I want you to remember that no matter how you are feeling and no matter what you are wondering… He sees. I have truly had many of these times where I have felt these feelings or wrestled with these thoughts, but God, in His great love for me always finds a way to let me know that He sees me.
One night, a little over a month ago, I was by myself as I usually am. The girls were still both at their university and were preparing for finals. I don’t remember all of my thoughts that night or exactly what emotions I was feeling, but I remember exactly what God’s message was to my heart. It was a priceless gift that must have come straight from His heart. I know that many of us have different beliefs about how God speaks to us… I believe that He speaks to us in many ways. We are not always listening, but I do believe that He is there. On this particular night, I felt a message so strongly coming into my spirit that it almost could have been audible. But, this was NOT audible. I do believe that God was speaking to my heart that night. His message to me was clear, “Kristi, I have not forgotten you.” I heard this message spoken to my heart again and again. Each time it came, my tears poured from my eyes. Oh how I cried as I received that message. I believe these 6 words were straight from God’s heart of love to my hurting heart. I don’t know if you have ever had an experience like that. It was just so beautiful. It was so personal. It was truly what my heart and mind needed to hear in those exact moments, and I did not even realize it until it happened.
“Kristi, I have not forgotten you.”
I kept sensing the power of these words. I let them truly sink in. I was so still besides my tears that were pouring down my face. I felt captured by His presence and wrapped up in His arms of love. I think deep in my heart and mind that I know the truth of those words, but oh how they helped me that night and in the days to come. It was such a beautiful, intimate time with my Lord. He knows us better than we know ourselves. I know that He knows of my hurt and pain… many of you know of my hurt and pain from the deaths of my husband in August 2011 and the instant death of my 18 year old only son in a car accident in June 2013. I know that I have struggled with those feelings of being forgotten or abandoned. I know that just because I have felt that way does not mean that it was true. And on that very special April night, my loving God wanted to remind me that I have not been forgotten. These words are etched into my heart straight from the loving heart of God. He is The God who sees. He saw my need and met it without me even realizing that I was having that need that night.
In May while the girls were home, I was so happy to have us all under one roof again for a few weeks. I knew our time was short as the girls were preparing to leave for Asia for a month long mission trip. Keeping with the intent of transparency in this blog, then I will share that I definitely had some very emotional moments and some nights with very little sleep. On one of these nights, not many days before the girls were set to leave, I was wide awake. I don’t know how I came across this song, but I was amazed by it. Each time I play it, then my eyes fill with tears. It is called “The God Who Sees”, and this song is by Kathie Lee Gifford and Nicole C. Mullen. This song is called a music film, and it is simply amazing.
The song begins by talking about Hagar. Hagar can be read about in Genesis. She was an Egyptian slave and handmaid, and she lived with Abraham and Sarah. She was used as a surrogate because at that time Sarah was unable to have a baby. Hagar became the mother of Abraham’s oldest son, Ishmael. In chapter 16, it says that Sarah was treating Hagar “harshly”, and Hagar fled to the wilderness. At this point is when the song first speaks about Hagar and how she was alone in the desert with her son. The song speaks about how she must have been feeling… abandoned, alone, lost, crying, and thinking that no one loves her or cares about her. The song says, “Hagar thinks nobody’s there.”. And then as in each section of the song after it speaks about how in this case Hagar must feel, then a message comes from God. In this case the song states that “God says, I will be a ring of fire around her, and I will be the glory in her midst, and the power of my presence will bring her to her knees, and I will lift her up again, For I’m the God who sees, I’m the God who sees. Then He speaks in gentle whispers, and He softly calls her name, she feels His arms enfold her as He holds her, and she’ll never be the same. Cause I’m the God who never changes, and my promises are true, and when this world deserts you this is what I’ll do.” These words from this beautiful music film were just piercing my heart with their beauty and truth.
“Glory Glory Glory Hallelujah I will be the glory in your midst and every knee will bow to me and every tongue confess, yes, all the world will worship me in all my Holiness. I will be a ring a fire around and I will be the glory in your midst, and the power of my presence will bring you to your knees and I will lift you up again for I’m the God who sees, who sees. I’m the God who sees, oh oh oh, I’m the God who sees, I see you, I’m the God who sees you in the wilderness, see you in your brokenness, when your feeling lonely, I’m the God who sees. In the desert places, in your empty spaces, I’m the God who sees. I’m nearer than you dare believe, here in the very air you breathe, I’m the God who sees.”
He is The God who sees. He loves us. He loves us in our brokenness and when we feel alone. He can lift us up. He can wrap His arms of love around us in our darkest times.
If you are having any of these feelings or struggles, then I pray that you know that you are not alone. I am very much a believer that when we are going through those times that it is so important that we bring those feelings to those who we can trust and to God. I believe that there is such beauty in realness and in being open and honest about our needs and feelings. I also believe that it is important that we are able to take all that we are feeling and learn how to reconcile those feelings with what is true. We may feel alone, but we may have many people in our lives that are there for us and care about us very much. We may feel broken and oh so hurt, but that does not mean that we will be in that broken place for the rest of our lives. We may feel abandoned by others when in fact they may be so busy in their own lives, and they do not even realize how we are feeling. If we are people of faith then we may have these feelings in our relationship with God as well. Again, just because we feel it does not mean that it is truth; however, it is so important when we have those feelings to acknowledge them and work through them. It is important for us to have the courage to sort through what is true in our feelings and to examine our perception for accuracy.
As we work through all of those feelings and struggles then it is also so very important that we go back to who He is. He loves us. He is with us even in the darkest places of pain and hurt. He is The God who sees. I pray that you find love and comfort in Him. I pray that you find hope again or even for the first time. I pray that you know that you are not alone and that you are not forgotten. You are loved by The God who sees … He sees you.
I have put the link to this beautiful music film right in this blog so that you may listen and see for yourself. I pray that it blesses your heart as much as it has blessed mine. So thankful for Kathie Lee Gifford and Nicole C Mullen who have created this absolutely beautiful music film.
Thank you to each of you who continue to journey with the girls and I. We praise God for each of you and love and appreciate you more than you will ever know. We want to be here for you just as you have been for us. So much love and thanks to all of you.
- Happy birthday to my son PK on what would have been his 28th birthday - June 3, 2023
- He Sees - September 12, 2022
- Happy birthday to my PK on what would have been his 27th birthday - June 4, 2022