PK’s 23rd Birthday

Today should be PK’s 23rd birthday. Parents who have had a child die are quite comfortable with this word- should. Nothing is natural or expected about burying my child. Everything in me wishes and longs to still be with him. The loss of a child is heartache beyond words. I blogged before on grief and gratitude. I believe that they can coexist. Today the gratitude and grief that I feel are so overwhelming… I am going to list a few of them, and they are in no particular order…

Gratitude…

I am grateful for the blessing of being your mom PK for 18+ years.

I am grateful for each smile that I ever saw on your beautiful face.

I am grateful for each laugh that I ever heard from you.

I am grateful for 18+ years that I got to be with you… every single moment my sweet boy.

I am grateful for each friend you made and had fun with.

I am grateful for the joy that you brought to our family.

I am thankful for the energy that you had and how you loved life.

I am thankful for your drive to succeed and for how you worked to improve yourself.

I am thankful for your time with Haley and how happy she made you.

I am thankful for your love of sports and the joy sports brought you.

I am thankful for each game of yours that I ever got to watch.

I am thankful for each coach that you had and the love that you had for them.

I am thankful for each teammate that you played with and how you loved them.

I am thankful for each birthday that I got to celebrate with you in person.

I am thankful for each adventure that we journeyed on.

I am thankful for each memory that we made.

I am thankful for how much you loved me and our family.

I am thankful for how often you told me that you loved me.

I am thankful for the joy that you brought your sisters.

I am thankful for the joy and pride that you brought to your dad and I.

I am thankful for how you loved kids.

I am thankful that you were a good example to the younger kids in your life.

I am thankful that you loved your life and everyone in it.

I am thankful for each life that you touched and continue to touch.

I am thankful that we are able to give scholarships in your memory and help others.

I am thankful for every single moment that I ever had with you and so much more my sweet PK.

I am beyond thankful that you loved Jesus and gave your heart and life to Him.

I know it is impossible to list all that I am grateful for about you and our time with you PK as the list could go on forever…

Grief…

I miss every smile and laugh of yours.

I miss your hugs and love.

I miss watching you learn and grow.

I miss having you in our home every day.

I miss hearing your voice.

I miss being able to talk to you.

I miss hearing your stories… even the exaggerations LOL

I miss how nosey you were and how you wanted to know everything.

I miss every part of who you were and of all that you were in our lives.

I wish I would have been able to watch you graduate from high school and that you would have had your senior year.

I wish I would have been able to see which college you chose.

I wish I would have been able to watch you experience college.

I wish I would have been able to see which major you chose.

I wish I would have been able to see you graduate from college.

I wish you would have been here for Jackson’s and Alex’s weddings.

I wish you were still traveling with us.

I wish I could see you walk through our door.

I wish I could kiss your face.

I wish I could hold you.

I wish you were still with us.

I wish that you were a miracle on June 26 2013 and were not instantly killed in that horrendous car wreck.

I wish that you were spending your 23rd birthday with us.

I miss and wish for so many things… this is some of my grief my sweet boy, and I know it is impossible to adequately list it all…

One of my favorite quotes:

“Grief never ends… But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith… It is the price of love.” Author Unknown

My heart aches and hurts without you my PK. Today, on what SHOULD be your 23rd birthday, I am filled with grief and gratitude. Yes, they can coexist. I truly celebrate you and each moment that I ever had with you… I miss you with every part of me… I love you with my whole heart my sweet son.

I choose you every time to be my son.

#noexcusesnoregrets

#ourjourneycontinues

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Kristi Kirk

Kristi grew up in North Dakota and attended the University of Minnesota at Moorhead where she completed her undergraduate studies in emotional and behavioral disorders. She moved to Arkansas where she later completed her masters in educational administration. Her heart and life have focused for many years on working with hurting kids that have been through much trauma and helping them to realize their potential and to overcome the difficulties that they were experiencing. She was married in 1993, and she and her husband had 3 children: PK who was born in 1995, Kylee was born in 1996, and MiKayla was born in 2000. After the deaths of her husband in 2011 and her son in 2013, her heart reaches out now to comfort those who are walking through the grieving process. She writes and speaks on how to deal with grief and pain whether it is your own or that of others, how to find hope, peace, and healing in the midst of trauma and tragedy, and tries to motivate others to live with no excuses and no regrets.

PK’s 23rd Birthday

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